No You Wouldn't

Morgan sat on the deck in the cool morning air letting the sunlight filter down on her paper and mug of coffee.  She looked out over the railing at the surrounding trees and mountain and realized that she looked upon this place as a sanctuary.  She came here to recharge, to rest, relax and make peace with her life at home.  Not that things at home were bad but they were routine and sometimes boring.  Ok, boring wasn’t exactly the right word either.  Life for her in the last several years had been anything but boring.  It was safe here and confined and cozy and things made sense.  That’s what she needed.

Morgan heard the hiss of the sliding door opening and closing quietly.  She knew who it was without ever turning around and smiled slightly.  Lauren always smelled faintly floral with a hint of musk.  It made Morgan think of innocence.  There was something very intriguing about that.

Lauren padded over in bare feet and placed a soft kiss on Morgan’s cheek then leaned against the chair and played with Morgan’s hair.  Try as Morgan might she couldn’t hide or stop the chill bumps from covering her arms.  “Ever the early bird,” Lauren said then took a seat across from Morgan and sipped her own black coffee.

Morgan smiled.  “It’s about the only time that it’s quiet around here.  I thought I’d take advantage of it especially since everyone else is at the lake for the weekend.” 

Lauren sighed.  “Can you believe it?  The entire house to ourselves for two days.  I don’t know if I can stand it.  Hell, I don’t even remember the last time it happened.”

“I’m sure we’ll manage.”  She looked, for a moment, a little more closely at Lauren’s face.  Her deep brown eyes were alternating between mischievousness and calmness to smoldering, unabashed wanting.  That hadn’t changed.  What Morgan noticed were the tiny lines beginning to frame those eyes. 

They really hadn’t had much time to talk since Morgan arrived.  Almost from the moment she turned into the driveway there’d been someplace they all had to be.  A reception.  A brunch.  The ceremony and the party afterwards.  Lauren’s attention was required elsewhere, and she was sometimes pulled in several different directions at once, something that would have driven Morgan crazy but made Lauren shine. 

“You look tired.”

Lauren rubbed her eyes.  “It’s the weekend and all the planning up to it.  We’ve been working on this for almost a year.  Good God, I’m glad it’s finally over.”

“Maybe.  I’m seeing something else though.  I mean, you look worn.”

Lauren just shrugged then turned her attention to a squirrel in a tree barely an arm’s length away.  Several moments passed, and Morgan could tell that Lauren was churning something in her mind.  She’d be patient because it all sooner or later came spilling out.

“I worry about Jack’s drinking and his anger and I hate that he’s turned to that.”  Suddenly, Lauren leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table.  “I don’t think either of us are happy.  I know I’m not but I don’t necessarily want a divorce either.  I love him, I just don’t like what he’s doing and don’t know what to do about it.  Nobody else sees it.”

“Yeah…they do.  Well, maybe not the anger but certainly the drinking.  Several of us were watching him last night especially when he said something about driving all the kids home.”   Morgan had also noticed how often Lauren had found a reason to touch or brush against her.  Lauren had always been physical but this weekend it seemed to be more often or Morgan was just more aware of it. 

In the kitchen the first morning, they’d hugged and Lauren seemed to linger a little longer than usual and when they’d pulled apart, Morgan could have sworn that Lauren was about to kiss her, caught herself and turned away.  Perhaps it was just the fatigue and the stress finally overwhelming her friend.  Last night while on the couch watching an inane television program, Lauren had reached over and held Morgan’s hand then seemed to suddenly become aware of it and moved her hand away.

“Do you remember when I used to bitch about him never being home?  Well, it’s back to that.  It’s always a rehearsal or auditions or something.  Then when he’s here he may as well not be emotionally.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s good around the house…cooks, grocery shops, puts the kids to bed when he’s here but forget the intimacy.  There’s no touching, no hugging, no nothing.”

“Lauren…the man is gay.  Everybody knows it.”

“Except him.  He can’t or won’t admit it.  I don’t know.  I worry about the kids and what could happen.”

“Heaven knows I’m no expert on relationships but one of the things I learned in my many years of therapy is that I’m only responsible for me.  Same for you.  You can’t make him happy.  Look at what works in the relationship and what doesn’t then figure out what you can change.  If the bad is bigger than the good then you’ve got a problem but if it’s not then stay and plug the holes somewhere else………………no real pun intended.”

Lauren laughed.  “Well, plugging the hole would certainly help.  I’m gonna jump out on a limb here and assume you’re talking about an affair.”

“If that’s what you want to do.  When I turned 40, it felt like the doors of experience were thrown wide open.  I had several ‘holy cow’ moments and learned that doing things just for the sake of doing them ain’t such a bad thing.  But the biggest thing I learned is to be honest about it.  To yourself and to whoever else is involved.”

“Morgan, honey, I can’t exactly go to Jack and say, ‘hey, I’m gonna go have an affair.’

“No, but you be honest with him about what you want from him and this marriage then go from there.  You know, I’m not so sure we can get everything we need from one person.  I don’t know that it’s healthy to have your best friend and mate be the same person.  Alright, look, if you don’t eat a well balanced diet you take vitamins right?  So, go find a vitamin.  A good, raw, open, hot sexy one and take it.”

Lauren looked across the table then mumbled, “strange where they might show up.  My God Morgan, are you aware of the last time I had sex with anyone?  The last time I let myself be fully open to somebody?  If Jack would just hold my hand once in a while I’d be happy.”

Morgan laughed and nearly spewed her coffee across the table.  “No you wouldn’t Lauren.  I know you better than that.  You need much more than just your hand held.  You need someone to grab you up.  Someone to come up behind you when you’re least expecting it and kiss you …and not stop.  You need that physical contact.  You need that intensity that takes your breath away and threatens you with unconsciousness and puts every nerve fiber in your body on fire and makes you not give a damn about anything else except that moment.  Shit, how many times have we talked about this?”

Lauren stood up without a word and went in the house.  Morgan sat there for a moment trying to figure out what had just happened.  They’d talked about sex before.   They’d discussed what both liked and wanted so it wasn’t the topic.  Maybe it was the timing.  Morgan couldn’t say that Lauren was a tease, exactly, more like she wasn’t aware of how what she did or said affected other people.  She’d stopped counting the number of times Lauren had given her a casual peck on the lips or how often they’d hugged or hell, how often they’d laid in bed and talked while Jack fixed breakfast and brought it to them. Or how often Morgan had walked to the edge then smacked her forehead for not taking that next step.  “It’s all about timing,” she mumbled to herself and followed Lauren into the house.

She found Lauren at the sink washing the few glasses that had been put in there the night before.  Domestic.  Normal.  Ordinary.  Arousing.  Morgan walked over to Lauren with a purpose.  She turned Lauren and without giving the woman time to think or react, she kissed her.  Lauren pushed against Morgan and tried to run away but Morgan just pulled her back and held her tight then kissed Lauren again until she felt the soft body pressed against her begin to relax.  Until she felt Lauren’s hips respond to hers.  Until she felt Lauren’s tongue search out her own.  Morgan’s fingers found their grip in Lauren’s thick hair and she held on for her own sake and for Lauren’s.  A slip now would be fatal. 

She felt Lauren’s breathing, the rise and fall of their chests pressed together and she smiled faintly when she finally felt Lauren’s arms wrap themselves around her neck for safety.  They were falling then floating then there was nothing save the two of them.  They couldn’t breathe.  In the void that was their haven, Lauren let go of everything—the husband, the children, the guilt, the anger and grief and they slid to the floor in a pile of clothes and flesh, bodies laid out against each other moving and calling, beckoning, teenage clumsy in their eagerness to be with each other.  Years of desire and want flooded through both of them driving them to let go of all control. 

Morgan’s lips discovered every inch of Lauren’s body, the dips, the curves, the bumps and valleys.  Sensitive.  Not sensitive.  Yes.  No.  She waited until she felt Lauren’s legs finally fall open before letting her hand disappear in the hair and wet and heat and waited still before she tasted fully of her closest friend.  The salt and sweet and tang dripping warm against her mouth and tongue. 

The climax came in a rush of breath and words and growls and ripples and flashes of light then utter stillness.  The ringing in Lauren’s ears slowly subsided and reluctantly she felt herself return to her body.  She felt her pulse in the oddest places and liked it.

Morgan wiped the hair and sweat from Lauren’s face then smiled and kissed her lightly on her lips, her closed eyes and neck, then stood and pulled Lauren up to lead her to the bedroom.  They lay under the covers, Morgan pressed against Lauren’s back and she wondered at how nicely they fit together and how good Lauren felt in her arms.  She watched her friend sleep and saw a smile play on her lips.  Quietly, Morgan slipped out of bed and went to the freezer thanking the gods that she’d had sense enough to put the grapes from her trip in there. 

She returned and slowly pulled the sheet back to reveal an already hard nipple.  Morgan took a grape and put it in her mouth then split it open with her teeth and surrounded the nipple with tongue and lips and frozen fruit, the cold and sweet sliding over it until it became even harder.  Lauren stirred not opening her eyes and raised her chest.  Morgan took Lauren’s hand and guided it down between her own legs.  Two sets of fingers working to bring Lauren closer to the edge.  Morgan swallowed the grape then got another and worked on the other nipple until both were hard, puckered and pulled up tight and screaming for more.  She slipped under the covers and found Lauren’s legs open, waiting.  She smelled of musk and sex.  Desire climbed in Morgan again.  She split yet another grape and attacked Lauren’s clit sliding the fruit and her tongue over it—teasing, torturing and touching then taking it away, watching Lauren become wet and glisten from fruit and juice and sex.  She watched her fingers slip easily inside Lauren reaching deep to pull what was left of her to the surface.  To open her, to curl and stroke and coax her to another orgasm that threatened to crush the fingers inside her when she came.

Morgan felt a hand reach down and try to push her away.  “Go away,” Lauren chuckled. 

“Not on your life.  How do you feel about leather?”