Nuptials Part 1

Nuptials

Part 1

Written by Virginia Leonard

Xena rolled over, burying her head under her pillows in an effort to block out the obscene intrusion of blinding white light that now filled the room.  She couldn't tell which pain was worse, the relentless pounding in her head or the sharp pains dancing behind her eyelids.

She flinched as the thunderous echo of a creaking door bounced from one side of her skull to the other.  That, however, was nothing compared to the pounding of leaded boots hammering against her floor.

"Morning Madam Sunshine.  I hope you don't plan on staying in bed all day.  We have a lot to do."

"Go away, Gabrielle, and let me die in peace."

"I hope you aren't expecting any sympathy from me.  I can't imagine what you were thinking last night.  Everybody knows that it's impossible to out drink a wood nymph.  Why, in the name of Zeus, did you even try?"

"It seemed appropriate at the moment.  Now, go away." was Xena's muffled reply.

Gabrielle laughed, rather heartlessly in Xena's opinion, and pulled the pillow away from the legendary, but ailing, warrior's head.  "Roll over.  I've got a cold compress to put across your forehead.  That, and this willow bark tea, should have you feeling better in no time."

Xena allowed herself to be propped up and surrendered to the tender ministrations of her storytelling companion.  The same companion whose wedding day this was.  She relaxed against her pillows, praying to the gods that the tea would soon ease the pounding behind her eyes, and tried to concentrate on Gabrielle's recitation of the arrangements still to be made before she exchanged vows with Perdicus. 

Xena's eyes followed the bard as she flitted from one side of the room to the other, picking up this and putting it there, picking up that and putting it in the spot that this had just vacated.  She was also finding it increasingly difficult to maintain the facade of happiness for Gabrielle's impending nuptials.

Xena wanted to be happy for Gabrielle, to be excited because she was involved in the most momentous day of her best friend's life but she couldn't, not when this was also the darkest day of her own life.

Gabrielle could feel Xena's eyes on her.  She had the distinct impression that the sometimes mysterious warrior could actually read her thoughts.  When she wasn't near Xena, Gabrielle had no doubts that this was exactly what she wanted but when she looked at her adventurous traveling companion, when she was in the same room with or when she touched the warrior princess, doubt flooded her mind.  

The only thing she could think of was staying with Xena.  Gabrielle couldn't be certain when her feelings for Xena changed, when they went from worship and admiration to deep, and yes even passionate, love.   

Unfortunately, Xena didn't feel the same way and about the same time the bard realized this, along came Perdicus.  Attentive, charming and devoted, carrying the blessing of her family, how could she have told him no.  She cared for him, probably loved him in one way or the other and believed that she could be happy with him for the rest of her life, and yet, every time they kissed, Gabrielle would close her eyes and the lips touching hers became Xena's. 

That would fade away in time, she told herself, over and over, until she began to truly believe it.  Gabrielle turned around and looked at the form lying on the bed.  "I'm boring you with the details, aren't I?  I should go and let you rest.  The ceremony is only a few hours away and I want you feeling better before then."

Xena motioned for the bard to come sit beside her.   She wanted one last look into those hypnotic eyes. This would probably be the last time they could be this close and still be alone.  Xena reached out and took Gabrielle's small hand in her larger one.  It was remarkable how soft the storyteller's skin felt against the calloused and rough hands of the warrior.

There were so many things she wanted to tell her friend but wouldn't.  Xena did not want to be responsible for putting a cloud over what should be the happiest day in a woman's life.  "It's not that.  I'm just having a little trouble focusing, that's all."  Xena said in a quiet voice.  She continued to hold onto Gabrielle's hand, afraid that if she let go, she would never see her friend again. 

Xena opened and closed her mouth several times, each time, the words 'don't do this' would form and each time they would fade away before she could speak them.  "You have lots to do and I shouldn't occupy your time.  I'll be fine, really.  Go and get ready, you don't want to be late for your own wedding."  Xena smiled and watched Gabrielle walk towards the door.

"Gabrielle,..." Xena called out, sending a shiver down the bards back. 

How many times had she heard her name spoken like that before and how many times, if ever, would she hear it in the future.  Gabrielle blinked away the tears from her eyes before turning around.   

"...be happy."

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Xena would probably still be napping had it not been for the insistent knock on her door.  "Come in," she blurted out.

The door opened and a woman of mid-years entered carrying a large canvas traveling bag.  She wore a soft, indigo dyed top that laced at the neck with large free-flowing sleeves gathered snugly at the wrists.  It was tucked into ivory breeches that followed, very closely, the contours of the body beneath it.  They, in turn, were tucked into soft, polished leather walking boots.

The woman walked over to the foot of the bed and threw down the heavy pack then stood with fists resting on her hips and looked at Xena.  "My mistress has sent me to help you get ready.  She took the liberty of providing the appropriate outfit for the day's events.  And before you open your mouth to argue, I should let you know that my instructions are very explicit and I was told to NOT take no for an answer.  I don't argue with my mistress, I learned that lesson the hard way, so, we can fight about it now or you can graciously accept the gift and let me do my job.  Either way, this is what you'll be wearing, with or without a large lump on your head."

"Whoa, who is your mistress?"  

The visitor began to lay out the clothing that Xena was to wear and as soon as Xena saw the colors and the emblem on the breastplate, she knew exactly who the mistress was.  There was no point in her arguing either.  Athena was not the goddess to trifle with.  The only thing Xena didn't understand is why Athena had taken such an interest in her life.  The only thing left for Xena to do was nod her head in agreement.

"Good.  I also have a message to deliver and you are to listen very carefully.  My mistress does not like to be disappointed."

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Gabrielle was beginning to get worried.  The ceremony was set to begin any moment now and Xena was nowhere to be found.  Surely she wouldn't have just disappeared, not now, so where was she.

The bride tried to calm her nerves by thinking of other things.  She concentrated on the hundreds of meadow flowers decorating the clearing and the altar where the vows would be exchanged.  She thanked all of the appropriate gods and goddesses for providing such a perfect day.  There were no clouds, no wind and, amazingly enough, no annoying bugs.

Finally, the priestess approached her.  "It's time.   Are you ready?"

Gabrielle looked around one last time.  Still no Xena.  "As ready as I'll ever be,”  she replied.

She smiled at Perdicus as he stepped next to her and placed her right hand over his left.  They had decided to walk the betrothed's walk together since this was to be an equal partnership in every sense of the word.  Perdicus knew better than to argue when Gabrielle made that announcement.

As the first few notes of music were played, Gabrielle and Perdicus stepped off together.  When they reached the altar, they turned to face each other.  The priestess blessed the union, calling upon the gods and goddesses to watch over this pair and help them to find happiness for the rest of their days.  Then she spoke to the witnesses gathered there.

"This couple, Perdicus and Gabrielle, stand before you with the desire to commit their lives to one another as man and wife.  As friends and family, you have a responsibility to help these two young people successfully negotiate the days to come, be they both good and bad.  Therefore, I put this question to you. Be there one here who truly believes that Perdicus and Gabrielle should not exchange their vows, please give reason now or forever after, hold your peace."

"I do."

Gabrielle turned to see who dared to speak.  Her heart jumped into her throat.  Standing at the back of the clearing was Xena dressed in a set of formal armor that was unfamiliar to the bard. 

The leather had been dyed royal blue and it matched, perfectly, the eyes that were now locked on Gabrielle.  The chest plate was wrought with bits of silver and emerald, forming the image of an owl on the front.  The shoulder plates extended out over Xena's arms and in them was fastened a cape made from sky blue velvet.  The bracers were of the same royal blue, punctuated with silver and ending with a silver plate protecting both elbows. 

A thick leather skirt covered Xena's hips leaving bare thighs which gave way to the greaves that were made as one with the boots, each of which was tipped in silver with the head of an owl engraved on both.  Under her left arm, she carried a leather helmet with a silver nose-plate and silver and emerald medallions circling the brow, giving it almost the appearance of a crown.

The sunlight framed Xena's body, giving it an ethereal glow and it accented the highlights of Xena's raven colored hair.  This vision was goddess inspired and judging from the owl decorating Xena's breastplate, Gabrielle had a pretty good idea just which goddess had gone to all the trouble of dressing the warrior.

"Come forward and have your say." the priestess ordered.

Xena walked halfway the distance to the altar, all the while praying to her benefactor for strength and courage.  "I have but one question to ask."  She locked her steely blue eyes on the red-headed farm girl, daring her to look away.  "Gabrielle, look me in the eye and tell me, with all honesty, that you marry this man because you love him and because it's what you truly want.  If the answer is yes, I will walk away from this place and promise never to interfere in your lives."

Xena's voice dropped to a near whisper.  "But, if the answer is no... I'm asking you to come with me, knowing that I can't give you the security or comforts of a home and family.  I don't even know from one night to the next where my bed will be..."  Xena stepped closer, "...but I do know this.  I love you with everything that is me and I will do my very best not to ever give you a reason to doubt that.  You're the first thing I think of when waking and the last thing I think of before sleeping and I can't imagine my life without you, I don't want to.  What's your answer?"

Gabrielle continued to look at Xena then turned her eyes on Perdicus.  Conflicting emotions battled within her, fighting for supremacy, and confusing thoughts threatened to rip away her sanity.  In the end, however, her very own self-determination won out.  "No." she whispered. 

"No what?" Perdicus asked, anguish filling his eyes.

"I can't marry you.  If I did, it would be for all the wrong reasons."

"But I love you-I always have.  Nothing else matters."

"Yes it does, to me anyway.  I love you too but not the way you want me to.  I love you the same way I love my brother or my first teacher.  After a while, it wouldn't be enough and you deserve better..." Gabrielle smiled, "...I deserve better."  Gabrielle reached up and took the garland from her head then handed it back to Perdicus.  "Give this to someone who loves you the way a wife and lover should.  I'm sorry I can't be that someone."

Gabrielle turned away from Perdicus and the altar, effectively closing another chapter on her life and beginning a new one.  She found strength in Xena's blue eyes, enough strength to take those first, fateful, steps towards the rest of her life.  Gabrielle was grateful for Xena's outstretched hand and eagerly placed her own in it along with her life and her heart.

"Are you certain?" Xena whispered.

"I've never been more certain of anything than I am right now."

Xena looked over Gabrielle's head and exchanged the same look with Perdicus that acquaintances would share if forced to meet as opponents on the battlefield.  One would walk away as the victor, the other as the vanquished but what a bittersweet victory it would be.